Some ideas are easier to feel than to explain. The cornfield is one we come back to often in our work, because it captures something true about how change actually happens and why it feels harder than staying stuck even when staying stuck is hurting us. Scroll down, walk through it with us and see if you relate to it.
Imagine that your house sits on one side of a cornfield, and your car is parked on the other. Every time we respond to stress, difficult emotions or challenging situations, it's like making that journey: we step out of the door, and we have to find a way across the field to reach the car.
As you read on, the field beside the words will change to show what happens to the routes we take, and how, with practice, we can make new ones.
Step 1
A well-trodden path
The coping strategies we've used for years become a well-trodden path from the door to the car. It's familiar, easy to find, and requires very little thought.
We know exactly where it leads because we've walked it so many times before.
Step 2
But it isn't a comfortable route
The problem is that these familiar paths aren't comfortable to navigate. They may be the quickest way through the field, but they can be littered with obstacles, discomfort and consequences that don't serve us well in the long term.
Self-criticism Avoidance Worry
Step 3
Making a new path
When we begin developing new ways of coping in therapy, we're essentially creating a new path through the corn.
At first, it's hard work. The corn is standing tall, and we have to push through it, flattening it as we go. The route feels unfamiliar and awkward. It takes conscious effort and determination to keep walking it.
Step 4
A little clearer each time
But each time we choose that new path, it becomes a little clearer and easier to follow.
Gradually, the ground becomes more established, and the route starts to feel more natural.
Step 5
Slipping back
When we're stressed, overwhelmed or exhausted, we can find ourselves slipping back onto the old path.
This doesn't mean we've failed, or that the new path has disappeared. It simply means that, in a difficult moment, our brains have reverted to what feels most familiar.
Look closely. The new path is still there.
Step 6
The old path served a purpose
Sometimes the old path was the best route available when we first entered the field. It helped us get through difficult circumstances, and it mattered.
We don't criticise ourselves for having used it. Instead, we recognise that the field has changed, our needs have changed, and now we're creating a path that's better suited to where we want to go.
Step 7
More than one way through
Change isn't about never using the old path again. It's about strengthening the new one until, over time, it becomes the route we choose more often.
The old path may always be there, but it no longer has to be the only way through the field.
Try it for yourself
Walk the new path
Every trip from your house to your car counts, even the ones that don't go to plan. See what happens to the field as you keep choosing the new route.
Your field
0 trips along the new path
In short
- Old coping strategies are well-trodden paths. They're familiar, but often uncomfortable.
- New ways of coping take real effort at first, like pushing through standing corn.
- Every time you choose the new path, it gets a little clearer.
- Slipping back under stress isn't failure. The new path doesn't disappear.
- The old path got you through once. You can thank it, and still choose differently now.
Ready to start treading a new path?
If something in this article has resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you. Therapy offers a space to understand the paths you've been walking, and support while you make new ones.
You can book a free initial assessment online. No referral needed, and no pressure.